Letter to My Soul
I left you alone, to fend for yourself, in the disaster that has been my life. I turned my back on you. I ignored your screams for the daylight. And then I blamed you for the sadness in my heart, the torment in my mind, and the destruction of my flesh.
I heard you singing, once, when you were able. The song was free and beautiful, full of harmony and love. Yet, I chose to listen to the voices of the world
which demanded that your song was not allowed.
When you cried out in pain, I found you responsible for the very pain from which you were trying to save me. Then, when you begged for freedom, you pleaded for life, I silenced your voice by destroying my ability to feel.
Somehow, you did not die. It is perhaps the most profound evidence I can imagine that God was with you, with me, the whole time.
I try to look back and remember when it was any different. Perhaps as a child? I might have done something to help you, to grow you, to make you stronger. But I can't remember. Even as a child.
How could I have been so wrong? To believe that you created all the turmoil, all the pain, all the endless torment. And when I didn't believe that you were the cause
I believed that it was life, people, God, anyone, anything, but me.
The day finally came. The day that was silently perched at the edge of the place where there is no hope. Inevitably called to take flight as the breathing of the air became the source of the pain. The day when there was nothing left. Just the smallest of sparks and the dark stormy skies. Laced with the finality of relentless extinguishing rain. Pausing, but for a moment, as if to take one last morbid look at the victim about to achieve the despairing death of alone.
In that moment, the light of God shined on you. The clouds began to melt away like the disappearing fog in the morning sun. The nothingness which was left behind was no match for the instantly reborn spirit of life, and the beginnings of truth reached out in ever more beautiful freedom and indescribable peace.
My, how you have grown. I can feel the light which comes into you as it becomes a shining force of correctness, a thousand times stronger, a thousand times brighter, than ever before. Today, and again tomorrow.
For with the light of God, comes the presence of God. Shine my soul. Shine.
The voices of the world are still resounding through the air and they find their homes in the souls where darkness continues to hide the way. For you today, the light is the life, the life is the light.
© 05/20/2009, Stephanie Mott
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