The Green Dog Diary
I hear the talking. Whispers, giggles, hysterical laughs. They gather around to see me. They point at me. I am just a puppy, and I don’t understand. But I know that they look at me differently. I am different. That’s what they say.
We are in the pet store. Ten of us altogether. I am the one that is different. The people come and they look at me and my brothers and sisters. One, two, three of them find new families. People to love them. Just the way they are.
A child wanted me today. A big person said that they could not take home a green dog. They are worried what the neighbors would say if they had a green dog.
Why can’t I just be a dog? Why must it always be a GREEN dog? Maybe it’s me. There must be something wrong with being a green dog. I will try to not be a green dog today. Then I will find a new family.
How do you not be a green dog? I don’t know. I tried praying today. I closed my eyes and prayed very hard. I prayed for God to make me like the others. I wonder if God made a mistake. I wonder if I am a mistake. Does God not like me?
Today I will pretend to be a brown dog, or a black dog, or a white one. I wonder which is best to be. Which will make people love me?
I have decided not to be green. If I try really hard, I can do this. I have to do this. Another brother finds a home, another sister. Why! Why! What is wrong with me?
I think the big people are worried about me. They keep coming over and picking me up. They talk about me.
They think that I am not green. That I just think I am green. They believe that God doesn’t make dogs green. I can not be green. I must be pretending to be green. I must be confused and sick.
Being a green dog is bad. Dogs choose to be green. It is a lifestyle. They believe that I might try to make the other dogs green. They want to fix me, change me, force me to be like the others.
I am no longer a puppy. I don’t tell anyone that I am green. I roll in the dirt and the mud and I hide it. I must be the only green dog in the world. I am scared. I am alone.
I am sad. I cry a lot. On the inside where no one can see. They don’t like it when you cry on the outside.
Today, I thought I saw another green dog. It didn’t act like a green dog. It was happy. It couldn’t have been green. But I saw something. Something. Could there be other green dogs?
I did see another green dog today. I am sure. I was very afraid, but when the other dog saw me, it looked at me with love.
I think it was love. It must be love. It was warm and accepting. Kind and healing. I think it was love.
There are other green dogs. And there are people who don’t care if you are green. There are people who know that God made me green because God wants me to be green.
I am not a mistake. I am not bad. It is OK to be green. It isn’t easy, but it’s OK.
It has been a long time since my last entry. Everything is different today. I am green. I am proud to be green.
When I look at myself today, it is with love. It is warm and accepting. Kind and healing. It is love.
I have learned to love myself. Today, I wear my color with pride. I wear my cloth with the knowledge that I am who I am supposed to be. I like to tell people what it is like to be green. Some people wonder why.
I walked by a pet store. Ten of them altogether. One is different. The people come and they look at it. The brothers and sisters, one, two, three of them find new families. People to love them. Just the way they are.
A child wanted the green dog today. A big person said that they could take the green dog home. Their neighbors have a green dog. The big person has met her. Has gotten to know her, and likes her. She is just who she is supposed to be.
© 05/19/2009, Stephanie Mott
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